I clicked on this post as a sometimes resentful wife, with the hope I might get some new ideas about how we can work towards a happier home. But I have to say you have reduced me to tears.
The idea that anyone could not “let you” talk about your feelings, your life, and your condition really saddens me. Perhaps buying the book “the adhd effect on marriage” for your wife to read might help? Perhaps she only wants to point fingers, blame and not change or adapt?
As a partner of someone with adhd I see his struggles every day, and it breaks my heart. I spend alot of time figuring out ways we can make our home more adhd friendly, how we can not let adhd be a disability but instead be used to his advantage. It can be a wonderful gift!
I get it, adhd can be really hard alot of the time. I find it hard, but no one finds it harder than the person with adhd. No I am sure adhd does not define who you are, but ignoring it all together and pretending it doesn’t exist is a disservice to you.
You do not deserve to have a part of you banished. I am so sorry you have been through this and I hope maybe if you wife could do some more research or maybe even see couples therapist together she might get to see your side?