I have social anxiety as well as ADHD, so I can relate to constantly reliving awkward, stupid, or even just plain bad moments I caused in the past and still feeling anxiety rise just thinking about them. And while I know I can’t change the past, my brain still wants to. I’ve started saying, “oh, well. Nothing I can do about it,” out loud to myself, whenever those thoughts plague me, which helps sometimes.
But be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grow.
Life is room to grow and time to practice. Put each day’s practice to bed at night and try again the next day, but don’t judge your self-perception off of yesterday’s practice. You are you today. Forgive yourself and others because we are all blundering along doing the best we can with what we know and believe.
Sometimes talking to friends and family helps me remember to lighten up too. I also read an article once that suggested embracing thoughts like this and focusing in on the uncomfortable feelings they bring while making yourself aware of your physical sensations and feeling the anxiety rise and then fall repeatedly until your brain gets bored of it (Cognitive behavioral therapy). The idea was that sometimes we reinforce the anxiety by panicking when we feel the uncomfortable feelings instead of allowing them to play out.
I hope you can find some peace. I am sorry you are having a hard time.