Reply To: Struggling with Coping with ADHD wife

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Hi, my husband and I are in the same boat. He put the pieces together and our son has it as well.
I understand how she feels, I’m doing the same thing because all my life things were harder, so many people didn’t understand what my issue was, INCLUDING ME! Now I know what the reason was and I want to learn all about it so I can be the person I always knew was inside (despite all the nay-sayers). I think you should try to read as much literature as possible (really helps clarify things) and you’re like oh, ah-ha, so that’s why! It may help you too deal with things she does that irritate you if you know it’s not being done intentionally. I am inattentive/impulsive (love to shop), that has been the source of many of our arguments. She needs to make reminders, use the tools available to both of you. After she’s on the right meds and whatever therapy is directed, if she has your support & understanding while your family deals with this you may look at her one day standing beside you tackling life with you insread tead of two steps behind walking in circles. All I know for sure is LOVE, SUPPORT, PATIENCE & UNDERSTANDING are paramount. We’ve been criticized our entire life (I’m sure It’s not just me).
I have listened to some audio books about the affects on a marriage and the differences between someone with ADHD and without. I was listening to it and just could not believe how someone who didn’t know me sounded like she had an inside view into our life.
Try to remember, our brains tend to take the scenic route, it doesn’t mean we can’t get to the destination. I don’t know if you are prone to make name calling and criticism but I suspect it’s almost a certainty for any couple in this situation. DON’T DO IT, nothing good comes from it, NOTHING. Go for a walk, bike ride, deep breathing,, ect… She will improve if she believes you are tackle this with her. As for your comment about help and understanding not available to you, in my opinion that should come from your wife, she must understand (if she doesn’t) how it affects you. One of the books I listened to addressed that and said the spouse without ADHD needs help as well. Since you’ve been together her ADHD has probably affected you, your behavior and altered your relationship in a way you didn’t expect and possibly resent. Today she needs to lean on you, but one day you may be your turn to need someone to lean on, trust me, my husband always took care of everything, until this last year we found out he had a failing kidney working at 17% then a few months into that were told he has stage 4 metastatic melanoma. And now for the trifecta, after an MRI of his brain they say he needs a neurosurgeon we haven’t been told specifics yet but we believe it’s rheumatoid arthritis.
Ok, sorry, sometimes I rant. Good luck!