Reply To: HAUNTING Wedding Trauma!

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Yarlan Zey

Hi Debra,

I’m not a woman and I’m not married (apologies if I’m not supposed to post here). However, I’ve had wedding traumas of sorts. Not as severe as yours perhaps, but nonetheless, perhaps you’ll hear me out. Today for example I was trying to do my work, and I managed, but my mind was continually playing back a scene from a wedding I attended almost three years ago. This was a wedding that I helped out a lot with, plus I get anxious about social events anyway. So I was dreading this wedding for months, then there was a load of stress beforehand (and afterwards) with all the helping out I did. But during the wedding, this narcissistic relative of mine publicly humiliated me, basically, but she also did it in a really sneaky way so I didn’t really understand exactly what she was doing until afterwards. When I complained to a couple of people about her behaviour (I didn’t tell them all the details), they thought I was too sensitive and they think this horrible person is wonderful, despite the fact that she’s constantly verbally abusing people etc.

And another wedding story. I was in a group of friends for years, and I was a groomsman at a couple of their weddings. One of these guys was another toxic narcissist (again, loved by many people for some bizarre reason). So I guess the stress of the upcoming wedding made him ten times worse than usual. A total groomzilla, you could say. Shortly after the wedding I totally cut contact with him, and I’m not in the group of friends any more.

So anyway, I’m not sure if that helps. Weddings can be extremely stressful for many people involved – bride, groom, bridesmaids, family, other guests etc.

“So I have two anxiety driven, insecure moments- it doesn’t really matter what they are- just that I see them as my fault, that they couldn’t really get fixed at the time, and that they triggered anxiety. Now whenever I get stressed, they come back to me in nightmares and triggered thoughts during the day. Sometimes they even randomly come back as nightmares. It’s awful!! That’s was 8 years ago ladies!!!! eight!!! I think I look to it for comfort, but the anxiety gets dragged along with it and I don’t know how to untangle the two.”

Kind of sounds like PTSD.