Greetings Attagirl/AD, 1st of all, bless your heart! It is good that you reached out in this manner (especially since you feel that you’ve burnt out your friends.) You NEED the like-minded right now! I really like that you asked us how we’re coping, our methods, tactics, reading and exercise choices. It shows that you are REALLY asking for help and advice rather than just venting. I get that you feel as if you’ve burnt out friends and family. I also get that, unfortunately, maybe you really have BUT listen to your inner voice with all the negatives against yourself. That in and of itself could make the tough time you are having tougher. You didn’t and don’t sound like a lunatic. So what if you are currently playing with the kids? It is a tough time for you personally right now. So what if you are pacing? It ultimately will end. So what if you are diddling? So what if you are not accomplishing a lot right now? I can already hear “because things have to get done Lady!” BUT, again, you are going through something. Maybe you have to keep going through it for a while??? ACCKKKKK.
Two things that are glaringly evident are: your recent loss of your mother. The second is could the coronavirus triggering y’all’s son’s death and grief? These 2 alone are not small. Coupled together, and no wonder you’ve occupied your mind with COVID’19 and next year’s school schedule——for the entire school. Could taking care of your mother and watching her pass subconsciously make you feel unproductive and like accomplishing -0-? You were super busy, then wham, your whole world changed?There is NOTHING wrong with decompressing for a while, and that might be longer than you think. Please, please watch the negative words you use that are directly about you. It is hard, I know. But if there are 10 or 20 per day—even 5 or 6—then aren’t you flogging yourself? You REALLY could use some kinder words my dear.
I gotta say…I’m concerned. I hate to bring this up because it didn’t work well for me, but you might as well know what’s coming or potentially coming. Seriously, I do NOT want to bring this up…because it SUCKS! But I do wish someone would have told me. Beside your grief AND the significant change in your personal life, are you possibly in perimenopause? Yep, I know that you are young. Mine started early too. I was never more angry in my entire life! Sometimes I didn’t even know who I was. I started chasing little, young and cocky drivers that weren’t paying attention to the road or cut me off…or cut someone else off. It was my job, in my mind, to let every asshole know that he was an ass. I wanted to fight. Literally kick their butts, punch ‘em and let ‘em know that I was in charge. No, I never fought. Never did in high school either, and thankfully, I didn’t crash or cause a serious accident. No I didn’t go to jail, but I should have. I was driving wrecklessly, and it was pathetically pitiful and dangerous…and my anger lasted several dreadful years—-o.k. a decade but whatever. I’m 56 and have “been done” now for maybe 5 or 6? It still surfaced even as recent as 9 months ago. The anger did, not the bleeding. Once again I wondered who the hell that crazy, mean lady was. Ughhhh!
Now onto a nicer subject. Something funny! Hilariously funny. And brilliant. Like a movie, movies and/or a book. Erma Bombeck is certainly outdated. So is Carol Burnett. Janet Evonovich made me cry laughing. More than once per book. Over and over…. Start at One for the Money & go through the entire series. Really I think it could hold your interest. Ask some friends of their funniest books or movies ever… The giggling, crying kind of laughter is such a release! Go walking. It also helps to get the anger out. You need outside now.
I hope even a 10th of what I said could help. Bless your heart. Another question is depression. I was on 2 antidepressants. Menopause is hell. Menopause and ADHD? Toxic! Sigh. It CAN sometimes be liberating too. My 40s were my favorite decade! Really. You ARE going to get through whatever is going on. You are. You will. You are incredibly smart! This anger will be horribly frustrating and confusing, but it will pass. If you have had by chance a hysterectomy, I still think something is going on. ADHD exacerbates everything as you well know. BIG hugs to you! Cheerios & Froot Loops tribe member! Here. Have another hug. “DiamondR.”