Reply To: I need help – my husband cheated during the pandemic and left my children and I

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#171548
meganeff
Participant

I created an account just to reply to your post. First, I am so sorry you are going through such a difficult situation during an already difficult time for the world collectively. Please, please, please remember that you are more than enough as you are. If your husband can’t see that, that is because of him. His infidelity & his drinking are also decisions that are on him. They do not reflect poorly on you because you didn’t cause him to drink or to cheat. He can blame you for circumstances, but circumstances are irrelevant. He is the person he is, and that is why he left you guys. Who he is on on a moral & ethical level is why he left and cheated and started drinking again.

The worst part about infidelity is the trauma that inflicted on their partner & children so please, please, please also make sure your sweet babies know that this is not their fault or your fault. They need to understand that this is daddy’s issue. This pandemic is already traumatic enough.

Your relationship could be salvageable if he is willing to take responsibility for his actions and put the time and energy into fixing your relationship. That being said, it’s not likely he can handle it. He wold have to acknowledge the pain he caused you & accept responsibility. You would also have to know that you can forgive him because if you do decide to stay, you have to forgive. You cannot hold this over his head every time you guys fight. I’m not saying you should forget it – no, no, not at all! Mending a relationship after many infidelities is difficult, and you are the only one that can decide if you want to fix it. You’ll get a lot of outside opinions about if you should stay or go, but outside opinions don’t matter like your own opinion matters. Think about your babies & the stability they need.

On a kinda related note, my dad has ADHD and left during this pandemic. My parents are divorced for over 20 years now. My dad lives alone and decided to fly across the country & then drive back with his brother because his brother was having a “tough time”. He didn’t tell me he was going, and he was planning on finally seeing my son after he returned – except I wouldn’t have known he went out of state. He could have opened my family up to the virus because he felt his wants & desires were more important than being altruistic. People are losing family members & they have to stay home, why is he special? Because he’s impulsive & has ADHD. Just know that your children might have a relationship like I do with my father so they will need as much stability as you can provide. Good luck.

If you want to hear about my story healing a relationship after infidelity while I was pregnant, you can watch it here: https://youtu.be/Uhf3lZqFkw0 (no pressure honestly, but this gives you a way to reach me if you need someone to talk to)