Reply To: 12 yr old son issues help

#170953
retrodad
Participant

Hello JGR,

Dad with 12 old son here.

For what it’s worth, let me share upfront that it took me, almost 2 years, to wrap my head around this.

May I ask, what you’re upset about? Being embarrassed by the SCHOOL or that he disobeyed YOU?
Based on your comments, his behavior sounds like normal boy stuff (ADHD or not).

Yes, fire is dangerous and all that, but what’s the point of calling a “foul” when HE doesn’t know, understand or remember the “rules”?? Remember, learning correlations are a ongoing challenge.

“He should know better”, “I told him 100 times already” – Flip those comments around to all the adults involved, regarding THEIR reactions to ADHD…does that change your perspective?

If not, here’s another way to think about it, is it fair to expect a 12 year old child to “get it”, when the adults don’t?

Deterrents are usually pointless and counter productive. It sounds like you may need to revisit the ADHD concepts on working memory, social awareness, neurotransmitter triggers, etc.

Remember everything (including fire) is all new and exciting to him. Don’t kill his curiosity and learning curve. Do something productive with it.

If you can be very conscious and realistic with your expectations and assumptions – your reactions will become one of acceptance and laughter, not frustration or anger.

My biggest life changing moment was getting over my “authority” and “respect” for dad issues. His ADHD behavior has nothing to do with that.

If you start with EMPATHY and simply accept the outcome as a learning curve for YOU, and not as a battle to change HIM, your relationships and his behavior, will INSTANTLY change for the better – I guarantee it!

All the best,
RetroDad
Alphabet Kids Sports Coach