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I don’t have a lot of specific advice. I would start by trying to outline your concerns in writing, and then to find time to share those concerns with your family. You could do that as a whole, or individually with your wife and then separately with the kids. A lot of times people are unaware of what they do that affects us. If you do share things with them, also make sure to share solutions. “I feel overwhelmed when I have to remind you to do things like the dishes all the time. Maybe there’s a way that we can work together to help you remind yourself, like setting up a reminder on your phone or even giving you a reward when it gets done.”
The other thing I’d suggest is the book “Parenting Teens with Love and Logic.” It’s a great resource on parenting and easy to understand. It’s not a judgmental book that tells you how to be a good parent, but rather how to avoid power struggles and how to have some relief as a parent.