Reply To: I may have ended my marriage

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#167658
wombat26
Participant

Hello all

You ask how it ended up? Not well unfortunately. The problem I think is that I have over the years so confused things by being unclear, avoidant, covering things up, inattentive etc that my poor wife has no idea what I stand for. I used to get upset and indignant in the past when she would say I dont care about XYZ saying how can you say that about me. But now I understand she has no normal reference that says what I care about or not. To compound things the inconsistency in my behaviour creates ambiguity so furthering the confusion. A couple of you have said that maybe my wifes had enough as there is simply so much hurt to overcome. I am also at a basic level struggling to normalise my core symptoms, i have very poor context so always answer the question in front of me especially under stress and I also cannot do more that one thing but continue to put myself in situations where people will talk to me whilst Im doing something else and so ignore them etc..
The only solution left is to be brutally honest about my ADHD and its impact, unfortunately it means that the basic tenets of a relationship are things I am going to constantly miss so I’m kind of saying have me as I really am and compromise or go and find a better life elsewhere. I am struggling to come to terms with it tbh given that the kind thing is for me to be the one to actually ,ake the decision and spare her the guilt.

rgds
W