Reply To: ADD Man friend (with anxiety) blocked me – making sense of what happened

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pepelepew
Participant

Thank you for your response! So after reading so much about ADHD on reddit and other forums trying to understand, a lot of the symptoms and anecdotal posts resonated with me. I… likely have ADHD as well. What’s even more “enlightening” at least for me was a heated argument that I had with a friend a few days ago. So, I “ghosted” this friend for 3-4 months (starting November of last year) and didn’t realize that she felt hurt by this, when I did tell her before “disappearing” that I am overwhelmed about a lot of things going on with me and couldn’t handle some of our interactions — what it really meant for me was that this friend is too needy and I couldn’t handle her. I did reach out after, sometime Feb, and explained to her that it was not exactly about her. Under normal circumstances, I would not react that way. I just didn’t have enough mental/emotional space — there was a lot of emotions going on in my head, that I didn’t know how to compartmentalize. I thought she understood this but alas, a few days ago confronted me about it, while all this COVID uncertainty/anxiety situation is going on. I was pissed off deep inside because she was complaining about how she doesn’t feel appreciated when it didn’t have anything to do with that and that there are more important things to worry about! —— This was an aha! moment for me, and was able to relate this with my post above. Just took a conflict with me being on the other side. I realized I did this with another friend, the difference is the latter kept pushing me to talk to her, irritated me to the point that I became detached I didn’t care to speak with her again. I am not saying that one person here is right or wrong, it’s just how experienced it.

I understand that the “why” doesn’t matter, you have to set your boundaries. But being on the side who sometimes gets overwhelmed and withdraws, I wish friends/family wouldn’t take it against me when this happens. And I think this is why I spend so much energy understanding the why — that maybe like me, it’s more of a coping mechanism rather than being an butthole. Consequently this makes it hard for me to draw the line :/