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I’m sorry you’re going through this. I think a lot of us who are involved with someone with ADHD can relate to the flip-flopping, anger when confronted about not following through, and the whole cycle of pulling someone closer, then pushing them away.
What I’ve realized after years of going through this with my H, is that if the behaviour hurts and doesn’t change, the “why” doesn’t really matter. Understanding why doesn’t change how unfair and hurtful it is, or how worthless it makes me feel. At some point, we have to decide how we deserve to be treated and accept that this person will probably never be able to treat us the way we deserve. The question is, are you okay with that and what it will do to your sense of self-worth? Or are you ready to call it quits and give yourself the closure that the ADHD person will never give you?
I can tell you without knowing you that you’re worth clear communication, closeness, reliability and respect. For whatever reason, he can’t give it to you. You might never understand the “why”, but I hope you can still give yourself closure. Don’t wait for him to realize it and change, because that just won’t happen. I’m currently stuck because we have kids and I don’t want to be in position of not seeing my kids every day. But I don’t respect myself for staying with someone who is constantly playing with my feelings. You’re free, so give yourself permission to get off the roller coaster and go out there and enjoy it!!