threethrees, I hope that you will give yourself some time to accept your situation. As someone stated above, perhaps grief is a big part of what you are experiencing. I felt a great wave of grief upon my diagnosis for all of the loss incurred throughout my life due to the fact that I could not change my behaviors and did not know why I was not able to function like everyone else.
Please give yourself time. There is no race to figure all of this out. Live day by day and pace yourself. This site is such a great source of information, presented in bite-sized pieces. Most of the time (I was diagnosed about a year and a half ago), I am pretty content knowing that I am an adult with ADHD. But just today, I had myself a mid-day, face-in-pillow cry because I am in a stuck place trying to deal with family finances and can’t get myself to tackle things.
If you are in a serious relationship, I suggest being very open with your partner. A great guy will embrace the whole you, even in difficult times. It always helps the partner to know why we do certain things in a confounding manner. My husband of over 25 years has suffered a lot because of my behaviors, and even he has come around to understand and accept the “why” behind my ups and downs and failures.
Keep coming back to the forum for support, too.