I am 30 years old. I have to be honest, I behave the same way. (I was only diagnosed a year ago) I very much can’t stand being the center of attention, so much so that I made sure my wedding ceremony was less than 15 minutes long. I am socially awkward and always feel out of place, even when it’s a room full of family and friends. My husband will tell you I can be incredibly harsh with my words, make inappropriate comments and come off almost exactly how you described your husband. I certainly don’t do it for the attention. 9/10 times, I have no idea that I’m behaving that way or that my commentary is coming across as rude or obnoxious but when my husband brings it to my attention, naturally I become internally embarrassed and outwardly defensive. He may be feeling really uncomfortable and even at 40 years old, has no idea how to channel it and depending on the type of people he grew up hanging around, that type of behavior was probably funny and acceptable and was his “niche” in the group.
Try talking to him about it, just don’t use the “your behavior ticks me off” approach. Try to be understanding and find out not why he does it, but why he doesn’t find anything wrong with it. My husband had to get creative to help me see that it was coming off poorly. And when I still didn’t make an effort to work on it, he recruited his grandfather (who is very straight forward) to tell me that my input into a conversation was in fact, rude, obnoxious and completely uncalled for. It was horrible and I was mortified, buuuuuuuutttt I’m now far more conscious of the words coming out of my mouth.