Reply To: marriage struggling

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Hey RT
I’m sorry you’re having a downer. It’s only natural that recovery of your marriage will take an undulating course. The fact you are reflecting on arguments shows progress I’m sure. Does your wife know the heroic effort you are putting in? It’s easy to fall back into old styles of arguing. You ask if all arguments are your fault. The answer would have to be of course not! Both parties should be working on this. I know my husband and I are trying to develop a new way of relating. We too are having little slips but so far so good with quick recovery. This morning He was in a doom and gloom mood. Coronavirus is end of world, stock market falling, his stomach doesn’t feel good after last nights meal, his shirt has shrunk, son not getting enough shifts at work blah blah blah. I was probably my usual see the positive side, easygoing, we can only control so much self.Well that’s how I felt, not how he interprets. In any case he all of a sudden gave me his angry face and aggressively and threateningly said I’m negating him again and he’s told me before not to do it. I immediately get a feeling in the pit of my stomach telling myself watch what you say, not quite knowing how to react to defuse. Questioning I must be so annoying with my perspective and how can he think I’m having a go, quite the opposite! I remind myself to keep my guard up. Thankfully he left and sent me an I love you text shortly after. We discussed a bit and he agreed we need to meet in middle He is not anywhere near your level of introspection but somewhat improved
You seem unsure of how you should react etc. funny this is the life of your wife. The walking on egg shells thing. I think it can only mean you have more awareness and are thinking of things from her perspective. Do you guys talk about it and your feelings? I know even when happy my husband can be a bit too much for me. Boisterous is the word I think. I am cslmer, quieter (probably why we match tbh)
I think yes tone it down a bit but stay living and present. Relationships are hard!! Keep debriefing 😊