What an amazing step forward you have taken. How I hope your husband realizes this and follows your lead, before you can’t take it anymore. You haven’t done anything wrong. You didn’t sign up for this, and neither did he. Please don’t beat yourself up. After years of placing blame on my wife,I now try to reassure her it wasn’t her fault. It was mine, unknowingly
Unfortunately, there are many Drs who are not educated enough on the subject of ADHD, to properly administer therapy, for those with ADHD or the spouse of an ADHD person. Getting help is paramount. Finding the right therapist is the hard part. Don’t give up. The tears become therapeutic and cleansing instead of embarrassing when you are comfortable with your therapist.
You asked,”Why do I feel like I have to handle everything on my own?”. It’s because we force you to. I say I can do the day to day tasks required to run a household. “Stop treating me like a baby.”,”Just let me do it”,”You don’t like the way I do it”,etc,etc. In reality, we both know the laundry would pile up, the bills would be late, or forgotten all together, and dinner would be a question of “what are we ordering tonight?”, at least in my case. I can’t put together a complete meal and now I know why. You are our safety net. We have come to rely exclusively on you. We think you will always be there for us. You took a vow. That’s not fair. You don’t deserve that. Then the day you tell us your are leaving (divorce). As I’ve stated, that’s when I woke up and sight help for me, for us. Now I am more honest letting my wife know what I’m feeling and thinking. I used to fear her “criticism” and “not understanding”. It has helped to avoid the explosive arguments.
I am trying like hell to rebuild my marriage from the ground up, with honesty, therapy and communication. And if I fail,I will hold no resentment towards my wife as I can now honestly look back and realize I have put her through more pain than anyone should ever have to.
Keep moving forward!