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#142883
hope
Participant

Thankyou RT
You sound so much further along than my husband. You give me hope!!
You have so much insight
We had a bit of a setback. I don’t want to bore you but feel a need to debrief. Sun 20 we had a bit of a flip flop!!
Tuesday night hubby was helping 13 with his maths. It was a bit heated as son was resisting but we remained united as far as I thought. The only potentially offensive thing I said was when son ran to his room angry and yelling that hubby would be better handling that behaviour because he himself has obviously feels similar at times
Although there was no sign I’d said anything wrong at the time
Anyway evening wrapped up we all went to bed
Next morning hubby up getting ready and starts yelling at me out of blue, woke me up to say “where do u get off treating me the way you did last night. I said “im sorry you feel that way” while racking my brains trying to think of what I had said that was so terrible. He says what a cop out statement. He’s been ruminating all night on how horrible I was.As usual I could not get a word in but was called despicable and he’s sick of me undermining him. I can deal with son 100% now he won’t be helping. I said the code phrase we worked out together in calmer times in an effort to tell him to stop..he mocked it. I asked him to lower his voice he said he’ll speak how he wants. He pushed and pushed me to say I was deliberately insulting him. He could not give me any examples Because it’s “not a court of law” I apologised for above statement the only thing I could think of that could be it! He yells wrong answer goodbye
He left for work. I’m left just feeling so devastated it’s happening again so soon
Soon after I got the first text ..this is it

It is a simple question did you point out flaws in my character, did you make mention that I have got some issues in the workplace and did you say over and over again have some insight? If so highly inappropriate when dealing with (son)

None of it’s true!! We had a war of words over the morning. I told him I loved him and this was RSD

Here is more of what I am faced with

If there is no recognition that what happened last night was avoidable and if you cannot see that arguing with me about who I am or what I have done in the past is terrible for helping (son) then we are going to have a major issues forever more. If you cannot accept that what you did is wrong than I really have nothing to talk to you about it work on. I am so utterly stunned that you are acting in this manner.

AND

You are choosing our marriage over not accepting you did something you shouldn’t have. That you acted like a bully and you are not at all helping Son? Is this what you want. 30 years of relationship and 25 years of marriage because you are so arrogant you can’t accept some else’s point of view because it doesn’t match up with your infallible memory. Can I ask you to really think of the answer

Then when I got this one

You have ended out marriage out it pure arrogance

I went along with it..asked him to think about next step. I’m crying because it’s over. I’ve booked appt with counsellor (for me which I did)

A bit of silence and he tried to call but I wouldn’t answer
Then texts of apology
Ending with this

I sorry I didn’t recognise my anger
This morning. I😍

Of course I forgive immediately but do not forget! He’s been sweet and apologetic since
Do I have to actually leave to stop this!!!
JT if there’s one thing you can do it is keep reminding your wife you are aware and working on it even in good times. We need reassurance it won’t happen again because always shocked again and again
Thanks for listening &your balanced counsel. I so wish you could talk to him but he’s nowhere near ready to be on a forum let alone that I am. I’m scared he may stumble on this thread and recognise himself because I don’t think the reaction would be positive
You are doing fantastic, your wife must be so thrilled. If she’s like me all will be forgiven in a heartbeat if there is true change