Thankyou everyone for your replies. It really helps to honestly talk about the situation with people. I think you have all given me the confidence to really push hubby on this and he is responding well so far. I’ve always been wary of triggering an episode but I think the whole situation has become obviously a problem to us both that we must if we are to survive. Looking back I recognise the more resentful I have become the more I have subtly pushed back (which then further triggered RSD) but thanks for the nudge to take it further. I’m am very conscious that usually he is good and reasonable and time will tell. The next time he’s truly stressed or feeling overwhelmed will be the test but so far so good. (Although no talk of professional counselling yet 😬 …at least we are having open and honest dialogue)
Thanks S5 for your perspective on the ADHD partner making their own organisation plans. I suggested this and hubby is now putting an alarm on his phone to remind him he has the oven on or has left hoses on watering. It’s a start I have considered narcissism many times before and for a while thought this was it but it doesn’t fit as not consistent really and he does usually show empathy. ADHD is a much better match and especially the RSD.
I really appreciate your words obvious. I am trying to be kind even tempered and understanding. It’s easy while he’s trying, I’m really hoping that continues
Sun20 Thankyou! You sound like you are in a very similar situation, have you separated and do u have kids? How long have you been together? I’ll be interested to hear how you go. Is your husband getting help Wow it’s amazing and freeing to connect with others who have been through similar. I have opened up to one friend but spared a few details (haven’t spared anything in my original post) She was very supportive and said she thought he could be a “hot head” …it’s true, he cannot hide his feelings from anyone. I always tell him to show people his kind side which is so lovely and not to ruin it with a sharp word in a moment of impatience or something
Anyway I think it’s easier opening up to strangers so thanks and good luck to you all keep sharing xx