I am not married to my partner and, at this point, fortunately so for both or sakes.
Your question is something I have been asking myself ever since I originally posted this – and found others’ posts where many, many people have given their perspective of their situations, and how it has resulted in narcissism and not actually ADHD, or combined…
He can be loving and caring, and for a while it seemed like inadvertent abuse, but it seems so deliberate now. I do not need to say anything and he can go off on one. I will do something he asks me to, gladly, and he blows up – saying I haven’t done what he asked correctly or that I have messed it up and never listen.
He is only getting worse. He goes hot and cold very quickly. He has also hurt me deliberately, to which I ignored and tried to move away – he repeated it and said “good i hope it hurts” when I proclaimed that it was sore and to please stop…
I failed to mention originally, he also has an alcohol addiction.
And can become extremely violent and volatile in toxic states – I don’t even need to say anything or do anything.
So not only can I distinguish if he loves me for real or just acts like it, I can’t distinguish whether he means half of the things he says as he may not even be sober.
I have also found him lying about many encounters, giving false information and putting blame on me. It’s as if he sees red and just cant comprehend that I am not saying anything negative, or shouting, or yelling… It is bizarre.
He has recently begun to tell me everything is my fault, and that it’s me and my “moods” and my “thick mind” cannot comprehend what is happening in front of us.
I mention above, he has become much worse and his parents have become involved. He has become unrecognisable and makes me feel unsafe. It’s really difficult to provide that information – there is a lot of emotions surrounding it with fear, embarrassment and confusion. I have confided in a friend today who has directed me to a helpline to speak to, and I’ll be staying with my parents. It is finding the strength and courage to walk away.