The thing is, is your husband loving and caring, or is he a narcissist? It might be he has bipolar, but it wasn’t clear if he is abusive or just fluctuating in his emotions and frustrated and unable to control himself, and is outbursting and being indirectly abusive. There aren’t enough details here to show if he’s like that with everyone, or what.
It does seem like you’re at a breaking point, but you need to determine if he really loves you or just acts like he does. If he really does love you, he may not have developed an unconditional love (which sounds like his childhood didn’t help from his parents given the tidbit you shared). If he is a sweet and caring person and good hearted, then he’s probably just overwhelmed. But remember, he has to be willing to help himself. If he keeps saying he is but is lost, then he can’t focus enough or doesn’t know the habits of planning ahead to actually call to find a therapist.
It boils down to: 1) does he care, 2) does he regret treating you badly, 3) does he want help? If he does, he may need someone to do it for him because us ADHD people aren’t taught how to organize and unless someone shows us those skills, we never learn and put things off foreever.
Don’t worry about meds here, as they just help focus on what is in front of you. He needs therapy one way or another, but it only will work if he actually cares.