Do meds work? Not always is the nutshell answer.
For me, meds changed my life. My wife and I have been together for over 10 years and we have two children. I was diagnosed with ADHD, anxiety and MDD (major depressive disorder about 4 and a half years ago. In the beginning of our relationship, we were just finishing up college and didn’t have many worries/responsibilities so other than a couple squabbles, we were fine. Then we got married and decided to have children. I’ll be honest, things were rough when my son was born. I often forgot to do things, i would completely not think of important things that were going on, i’d get over frustrated and angry and stupid little things. It wasn’t until just before my daughter was born that my wife told me something needed to be done because I wasn’t acting like a father and husband. I was basically another child in the house my wife had to keep track of. I started looking into things on my own and realized i may have ADHD. I researched as much as i could, took online quizzes and everything was pointing to ADHD. I always thought it was a “hyper” thing (the H) but that is not always the case. I have Inattentive ADHD and at first glance, i seem fine, I in actuality had a chemcial inbalance in my brain and it was effecting my life. I talked to my doctor and he prescribed methylphenidate (Ritalin) and a depression med (forgot what it was, i don’t take it anymore). For me it was like night and day. The following day i took my meds and went to work. I was so much happier, i was able to focus and got so much work done that i was falling behind on. That night after work i went home and was telling my wife how great the day was and i almost started crying. I was thinking back to all the times in my life where i was told i was being lazy or where i felt i was stupid because i didn’t do homework or didn’t do well in school. So many times in my life came rushing back at me where i realized i could have gotten through it better if only i was diagnosed when i was a child. It was a lot to take in but over the past 4 and a half years i’ve realized that i was only “depressed” because of how my ADHD was making me feel. I no longer take depression meds but i do also take anxiety meds because i tend to be a little more “angry” at stupid little things for no reason but between my ADHD meds and my anxiety meds, i feel like i can actually live my life. I am happier. I cherish every day with my wife and kids because they have been there with me through this all.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD about a year and a half ago and because of all i went through, we tried not giving him meds because we didn’t want to push meds on our son. We went so long, struggling with him and just trying to have a conversation with him and getting no where. Finally, just before he started kindergarten we talked to his doctor about meds and she thought it was a good idea to give them a try. Our son is completely different but also still his loveable self. We can actually talk to him and he sees us and listens. Sure he is still a little “much” but it made my wife and i cry seeing the difference in him and how he can actually stay on task and he seems happier now as well. He can love things more now versus being all over the place not being able to focus.
Do meds work? Maybe not for everyone but they helped give me back my life and love life. I was lucky in that the first ADHD med i took is the one i still take today, because it works but sometimes it can take months of trying different things to get it right. I don’t know your partner, it could be a completely different situation but it does sound like they need some sort of help. You should not have to stretch yourself thin “dealing” with it but it is nice having someone around to have by your side. It is important that you take care of yourself first. Give them an ultimatem. Get help or I leave. If they truly want to be with you, then they should put forth the effort to make that work, mental issues or not. Everyone deserves to be happy and you have to do what you need to do to be happy.
Sorry for the long winded reply (it happens a lot for me). Hopefully my story helps a little and feel free to let me know if you have any questions.
Have a wonderful day!
Your friendly neighborhood ADHDude!