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I’ve spoken with my fiancé about this. He says the person with ADHD needs to find a system that works for them. If the non-partner comes up with a list/reminder, it may not work. What makes sense and seems logical for one person may not work for another.
My fiancé sought out a behavioral therapist years before we met, and was able to come up with a system to remind him to do things, and stay on task..with her help.
Visit Melissa Orlov’s site. There are many who post about life with a spouse who is in denial that they have ADD/HD or deny that their ADHD is affecting their relationship.
Your husband’s “Super Sensitivity” could be Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. Melissa has written extensively about it.
Your husband’s rages and rants sound like my ex-husband, who is a narcissist. I finally left our 17 year marriage after over a decade of gaslighting and verbal abuse. I was a nervous wreck from walking on eggshells, afraid of setting him off.
His blaming you for being angry is abusive, and bull**it. He clearly has an anger issue.