This post – these comments – are so reassuring. I was that kid too – except that I tightly controlled most reactions in public – but could go haywire with my family when something was changed.
When it came to changes in the people in my life, I was in a family that didn’t express feelings very much, and couldn’t allow me to be sad, and what I learned was to shut down the grief.
It was like I had learned two complementary dysfunctional coping mechanisms: losing it over supposedly little things; or repressing feelings over the things that mattered. With the repression, as an adult I would tell myself that I was being mature and calm, but others saw me as aloof. And it was just a brittle boundary. It led to terminating relationships because I would not stay in touch with those who “left” me. Now I can see that there was crazy logic in this – for a powerless kid.
T Agian thanks for sharing. This is truly a place to learn about real life add consequences, and coping.