So sorry you’re going thru this. I want to say also, CONGRATULATIONS AND AWESOME JOB to you and your wife for making the choice to quit drinking.
I’m in a similar situation lik you but little different. I’m struggling like you. But my husband says NOTHING! He doesn’t share what he feels about things. I’ve been basically a overwhelmed, confused, can’t focused, meltdown turd, couch potato for many years. Fighting thru it the whole time. Failing most of the time. We worked on our struggles and it’s tuff for people to understand what this feels like and it’s definitely hard to explain to someone too. It’s hell! And I’m new to ADD and now just learning that symptoms I’ve been feeling are linked to the ADD which I had no idea emotions are part of ADD! So with that allll being sad, I asked my husband to come to therapy with me a couple times. Been trying to get him to go on his own too. Told him it that I’m saying he has things to work on, but more for him to get a better understanding of what I am dealing with and how it all works. Also to be able to discuss how he is dealing with his own struggles pertaining to me. So hopefully you both can sit down and realize there are some major changes going on for both of you. And need to be as understanding as possible with each other. I would also share info with her so she has a better understanding of the symptoms. Like I was saying there are things I’m learning that I had NO IDEA were actually from ADD! Emotions, never knew that! If you’re not going to therapy I would recommend it. And have your wife attend occasionally. Or even go on her own.
Best of luck.