Just my two cents, but I perfectly understand someone losing it over ADD. I suspect that I am inattentive, not diagnosed, and I drive myself nuts and I am sure my partner feels the same. I don’t really understand how I can sit and stare at walls or screens while hours go by and then get annoyed that the house is a mess!
I suspect that my mother and possibly one brother have ADD. They drive me insane, even with the understanding that I have. My mum has a problem; she asks for a solution. I think about it and suggest something; she agrees and is happy to have a solution, and then she won’t activate the change. I know that I do the same thing, but seeing it happen in front of me is agonising because it is so illogical and I can see the benefits that would result if she ‘tried’.
I would ask if your wife could perhaps visit your therapist. Having a professional tell her what you’re trying to tell her might be more reassuring and help her to better understand. She might be able to find her own therapist, who has an understanding of the condition, that she can vent to, but who also can help remind her of your reality.