I think some of your husband’s behavior is abusive. He’s thinking about himself and using phrases like what about me and his needs. What about your needs? You have two children that’s a lot of responsibility and having two children myself I understand. I remember when my children were younger. I remember working full-time from the time my son was born until he was about four and a half. My now ex-husband did nothing to help me around the house and did nothing but complain when the house wasn’t in order. I reluctantly agreed to have another child mostly because I didn’t want our son to be an only child. By that time I knew full well what I was getting into. My ex husband does not have ADHD, but I do believe he is a narcissist. Always putting himself first.
I believe you should put some time aside for just you and I think that should include you seeing a counselor to help you talk out what is going on in your marriage to someone who will not judge you and will listen without interrupting. I cannot stress how important this is for you given what you have said in your post. It was not until I went to counseling myself that my counselor put a name to what I was going through with my husband at the time. She helped me to see that his behavior was abusive and that I didn’t deserve to be treated the way I was treated.
When you mentioned that he sees himself as a Broken Man I have one thing to say to that. It is not your job to fix him. He is the one who has ADHD, he needs to deal with that you cannot help him. He needs to figure out what that entails all you can do is be there and support him. However, if he continues to lash out, guilt-trip you, etc., you will have to seriously consider do you want to spend the next 10, 20 or 30 years of your life dealing with this shit and what it will do to your children to live in a house where they are exposed to that sort of behavior and what that will do to them.