Reply To: Does the roller coaster ever slow down

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#139544
Celeste65
Participant

Bottom line,

Your wife will only change if she works at it, and is not in denial. This will take time. She is probably overwhelmed by her diagnosis, not to mention the work involved with developing a strategy for managing her life. Has she seen a Cognitive Behavioral therapist? My fiance sought one out years ago, to help him become organized, etc. He was tired of forgetting and losing things, and agreed to go on medication along with the CBT. He said the meds helped him focus on what the therapist taught him.
He is now 52, and has not been on medication since before we met. (We’ve been together for 4 years.)

Also, I agree with some of the other posters. Your wife is not “abnormal”. She has ADHD. You are neurotypical, she is not. You need to step back, stop parenting her, and let her work on this.

That said, in your defense….I imagine you are frustrated. You didn’t know your wife long before you married. You weren’t together long enough for the hyper focus stage to wear off. You thought you knew her and when her behavior changed, you felt like you got the old “bait and switch”. You are, as Melissa Orlov wrote “Mourning the relationship you thought you had”.

I understand your concern with having a child. You could have a child with ADHD, and that could exacerbate the situation. Then again, it may not.
Give it time. You don’t have children and have not been married long.

  • This reply was modified 1 year ago by Celeste65.