I’m sorry you’re going through this. It sounds like you’re really trying hard to improve things.
For me, I am sure there are some things I do that irritate people that have nothing to do with my ADD, so I guess anything is possible. HOWEVER, it’s next to impossible to have a good relationship with a person that keeps throwing up the ADD in someone’s face like that, and it’s no one’s business to try to say “that’s not from ADD”. It would be very hard to heal and move forward with that being thrown around on a regular basis. I think if you could get both of you to counseling together, it’d be the best thing.