I’m not a psychiatrist, but this is not normal ADD behavior. From your account, your husband sounds like he has narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). This article gives a pretty good description:
Unfortunately, there’s not a lot you can do to change these people. They are classic manipulators and don’t really care about you or your feelings. The fact that you do all the childcare sounds like he doesn’t care about his own children as well (another sign of NPD).
The article I linked above has some good suggestions about how to deal with a narcissist, but you will have to do all the work. He’s not likely to change, so you will have to find a way to co-exist with him – if you choose to stay. Like I said, I’m not a psychiatrist, and I hope for your sake that I’m wrong about my assessment.
People with ADD have some negative traits (losing stuff, disorganization, procrastination, etc.), but the behavior you’ve described (emotional cruelty, neediness, selfishness) is not caused by ADD and will not be fixed with medication.