I agree that you should be involved in parenting but it would be important to agree on an approach. I don’t agree that punishing kids with ADHD will be effective in teaching them a lesson though. I am a licensed clinician and a parent of 2 middle school kids with ADHD. Kids with ADHD develop more slowly than neurotypical kids and punishing them for something they can’t control can worsen things for the family. Kids with ADHD are capable of learning but it’s important to your approach matches their developmental level and ability. Just letting them fail will not yield the best results and can negatively impact them in school. What has worked for us is to support them by creating routines, checklists, planners, giving reminders, talking to them about a problem and what they think would help them succeed, and they have increased skills over time. I will step in and do things for them sometimes especially if the consequence would result in school punishment or not being able to participate in school or other activities. Growing up is hard enough and kids with ADHD already have a lot going against them that neurotypical kids don’t have to deal with. It’s been important for us as parents to praise their efforts even when efforts don’t translate into success.