I have had a long history of losing things. I get so upset at myself that I scare myself. I could be having a good day, getting a lot done (for once), and then something gets lost. I look through everything! If I could retrace my steps, maybe that would help, but I don’t remember from one minute to the next where I was. I can leave the room, focused on getting something from the bedroom closet, and I end up at the dresser, wondering what I’m looking for. Or I look in the wrong closet, or I go to the kitchen instead, or I just swear at myself and go back to what I was doing. But what was I doing?
The smallest interruption when I’m trying to focus infuriates me. I get panicky, scared, intensely angry, yell at myself and the world in general, and then I cry because I don’t know what else to do. I have to deal with it all because I make a lot of commitments that I probably shouldn’t. I keep my schedule too tight, I think. Another example is paper. I print out something I need, put the paper in a pile so I can access it quickly, then I promptly lose it, print it again, lose it again, and to heck with it. I give up, forgetting what I wanted to print anyway.
Does calling a Crisis Center help? Are there people there who could talk me down, calm me down, and settle me? I don’t know what to do when I get like this. I hate myself. I don’t like myself anymore. I used to be the organization guru everyone turned to, to help them set up filing systems, streamline processes, and handle documents efficiently. I’m not that person anymore. I’m so scared and don’t know where to turn.
Any suggestions anyone has would help me tremendously. I puchased the book, “Organizing SOlutions for People with ADHD” and have yet found time to read it. Why? It’s not the time; it’s my inability to focus and concentrate. So what do I do? I’m so lost, I don’t feel like there’s much hope for me. I am a member of MENSA, but I have no doubt I would not pass the qualifying tests to become a member anymore. I feel stupid.