You’re definitely still grieving. It also sounds like you still expect to get him up to neurotypical levels with his peers. That is a sign that you’re still pushing for normalcy, rather than accepting that he’s behind. I know it’s tough to accept when it makes him stand out socially and struggle more. They key is not to focus on changing him and his delays, but to focus on helping him find his people and have more social success and connection. While that can be a challenge, it’s much easier than trying to push to neurotypical development — he will be behind in some aspects until mid to late 20s.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Coach & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism