Reply To: This UK mum needs some help!

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Hello Ann,

Previous dad in denial (and now divorced) here.

Does it get any easier? YES, but… there’s a VERY STEEP learning curve for all.

A medical diagnosis is just the starting point and unfortunately is still limited to trial and error.

After personally fighting the default meds bandaid for a year, desperation forced a change of opinion. As it turned out, meds gave us the quickest and biggest bang for our buck so far, while also giving us some time and energy to recover and battle on.

The hardest point for me was getting my perspective right – as we all know, the ADHD challenges and coping behaviors all initially appear to be negative (based on social “norms” and expectations – okay maybe just mine).

Until one gets educated in all things ADHD/and other acronyms, executing any traditional parenting / teaching “strategies” and expecting them to work, will most likely be self defeating for all.

Once one “sees” the effort, beauty and creativity that exists in your child’s coping behaviors, the love and respect for your child will reach another level.

Likewise, once one embraces the amazing skill sets that exist on the far side of your child’s bell curve – things start to get fun and exciting again!

What to do now? STOP all negative responses and interactions – ONLY point out the positives, even if you think they’re silly or even if you have to make something up. It will turn the ship quicker than anything.
Parents / Teachers need the timeouts, not the kids.

Remember what’s happening in those challenging moments – it’s NOT A CHOICE, but a CHILD trying to…
-Survive all the confusion and stress
-Survive the endless frustration caused by the inability to physically do what they mentally know
-Survive the clueless social expectations and responses (consistent loss of confidence)
-Survive parental / teacher responses

Anger is most likely due, simply to the above, which makes one constantly stressed out, resulting in fear, loss of confidence, mental and physical fatigue.

Check the fundamental boxes on a daily basis before looking for any secrets or shortcuts.

Empathetic listening and responses – is priority #1. Slow and soft speaking voice. (even after the 100th time)

Find analogies to help make sense of this.

Patience and humor will be put to the test – time to power up!

Stress management for everyone!!! – Sleep (9PM-6AM min), Exercise/movement (daily), Nutrition (nothing new here).

Spousal communication, understanding and agreement is critical.

This will likely be one, if not the most difficult things you’ve ever dealt with.

BUT, I promise – as long as you keep learning, loving and sharing – you will become a super parent warrior, just like the rest of us here. The Avengers have got nothing on this group.

Happy Holidays – Love your Acronym family ; ]

  • This reply was modified 1 year, 9 months ago by retrodad.