It usually takes two people to destroy a marriage. So, in reality it probably isn’t going to be entirely your fault or his. It is also hard for anyone to actually tell what is truly going on in someone’s home based on a bit of information from one person in a forum like this.
Some questions you might want to consider asking yourself : Is it possible that at some point in your marriage that you may have done anything to betray his trust in you or your judgement?
What are your reasons for wanting to stay with him besides children?
If you are only with him because of children, does he know this? And consider how that may make him feel.
If he knows you are unhappy with your relationship, and knows that you have felt that way all those years… maybe he doesn’t feel like he is good enough or satisfying enough for you and may have given up on the relationship and making you happy a long time ago. He may not see that as something he can fix.
If when he tells you how he’d like to get something or buy something, do you usually return with “how would that even be possible” or “I don’t think we have the time or money for that”….These responeses are actually shooting down his dreams and desires immediately, no matter how nicely or gently you try to put it. It is possibly also making him feel like you don’t think he is responsible.
If you know he is struggling with something like ADHD make sure “you” are not trying to monitor and control his medicine intake unless he is not capable of taking care of himself. That is not your responsibility. And if you you try to say something about how he NEEDS to take his medicine more often to control his behavior… this can actually be insulting and damaging.