I can’t begin to understand your struggle but wanted to chime in as someone who has moderate ADHD coupled with some comorbid conditions. I was just diagnosed recently after 30 years of wondering why I struggled so much to do things that other folks don’t seem to have issues with, including things like emotional regulation. On the outside, you might be surprised that I have it. I think I lucked into a lot of circumstances in my life. I somehow have only dated (and now married) the most patient and understanding people. I have friends who often prefer the introverted life and don’t get mad at me for forgetting to respond. I work at a start up (and for my job before this), where you can get there anytime and while I HATE the lack of structure, it means I really can’t fail there. ADHD has taken a huge toll on my self esteem and caused so much anxiety and depression in my life. It’s exhausting. So I just wanted to chime in from the place of: 1. I have a lot of sympathy for your experience because mine isn’t as bad but 2. I have other things that cause a lot of issues in my life, so there’s sometimes more under the hood. That said, faking for meds or attention is frustrating as all hell. I hope you find supports that work well for your needs.