😔 is he adhd,narcissist, both? Is he doing what he’s doing on purpose? Is he even aware of what he’s doing and how it affects me? I did tell him ( politely , calmly, gently) . But that does not mean he even remembers. Or he might just not care?
The truth is , I do not know, and I will not know. My dream ( DREAM, big one) is to be able to talk to him without risking ( 99% likely) his outburst. I want to not fear talking to him, but now I get panic attack even from thinking about addressing anything with him. Or sending him s letter. Or an article. Last time I sent him an article ( m.Orlov’s one) I was so terrified of his reaction that it took me all my willpower to not run away.( I know it sounds insane and overreacting.) He didn’t even read it. And blamed me for that.
I’m just so lost. I have no idea who he is anymore. For about a month he stopped blaming me . I have no idea what it means. Is it a trap? I just can’t trust him anymore. I want to find out the truth but can’t risk talking, because if he blows up one more time on me – I will be GONE