Reply To: Rescue or Responsibility

#136669
wisportsnut
Participant

AHorton:

Thanks for the reply! In my conversations and learnings about ADD, I agree with everything you said above. I get how his brain works, and that he will forget, he will need continual reminders, etc. And I don’t even have issue with just taking care of things for him like getting things ready for him, picking up after him when I just want it done, etc.

But my question was intended to be more about what we/she as his parents should do in response to a request that he fulfill (something that is specifically asked for). I don’t mind asking him 5 times to get his things, my question is if we do ask him to do something, should we expect him to do it eventually, on his own time, or do we step in and perform the task for him all the time? Your response above seems to sends the message to me that would should not expect him ever to do what is asked, that we will always have to perform things all things for him.

What I am explaining here with his behavior in not performing what is asked really is the rule, not the exception. In my opinion, he has learned to manipulate his mom by not doing a vast majority of the things she asks him to do, he knows she will just take care of it for him.

What I am asking here is: Is it feasible to have expectations that an ADHD child perform what is asked of him? If we ask him for something, do we keep on asking him until he does it, even if it takes 20 requests? Or, if we ask 5 times and it’s not done, do we take over and do it? Obviously, when it is done, we would reward him with praise in the same way we do with every good thing he does! I am not asking him to learn to organize himself for daily life, or learn what he needs to have to take to school for example, just if we should expect him to do what is specifically asked. He didn’t have to think of the request (i.e. I should pick that up), we thought of it for him, and just asked that he perform it. Should we wait for him to perform it?

Thanks,
StepDad