I agree with fricative. This sounds more like something abusive. I am a mother of an 8 year old child with ADHD (who is one of the kindest people I’ve ever known). I am also a wife to a man with ADHD (also very kind) and I have ADHD myself . I don’t think ADHD should be used as a reason or an exception for being mistreated or for someone to be cruel and not take responsibility for their behavior (or to excuse them from a bad personality in general). Some people are just toxic and allow themselves to be that way without a desire to change. This also sounds a lot like narcissism…? I feel like there is a lot of stigma about people with ADHD being mean and always short tempered. This doesn’t apply to I know, if they are short tempered they have the ability to know when they were in the wrong or did something inappropriate. However, maybe there are ways you can try to reapproach your husband differently about certain things you want to discuss with him? Be sure you are not approaching a conversation in a condescending way or speaking to him as if he is an irresponsible child that needs to be “parented”. My husband struggles with budgeting and certain responsibilities also and while he really doesn’t like dicussing it, I remind him that I love him, and appreciate him and trust his decisions (even if he, like most of us, make bad choices sometimes). And we talk about why (because we love eachother) and how we can make sure that we are all trying our best to be a happy healthy family. It is important to be the same page and to show love and respect and trust for eachother. Maybe if it is possible, see if he is willing to make plans to save towards his goals and dreams? Or share your idea’s.