My son is also 9, has tried several meds, with similar consequences. Vyvance seemed to increase his volatility. He’s on Biphentin and doing great at school. He is subdued compared with non-medicated self, but the negative feedback he would experience at school is worth the trade off. We don’t take him off meds on the weekend for the same reason.
Appetite: he is maintaining weight, but he’s always hangry after school. Like above, I try to limit after school snack somewhat so he’ll eat dinner.
Lately we tackled his lack of sleep issues.
Mostly I want to say, I empathize. There are lots of good ideas, but you can only try so much at a time. It can be very overwhelming. Hang in there. Try your best. Affirm, love, give yourself breaks when you can.
It took time for my husband to accept using drugs (due to his experiences), but we decide together. You have to be a team.