Hopeless, please hear me when I say DO NOT stay because of the kids. I did and it did more harm. They all struggle with their sense of self, healthy relationships, parenting, faith you name it. It is not helping like you think it might be. I stayed for 25 years and I can see how it has severely impacted my children’s lives. I agree with the possibility of hubby being a narcissist with ADD. Do some research on narcissism and how the behaviors mirror what you are describing. Mine didn’t want a plane but numerous failed businesses. Of course all my fault because I didn’t in support of his dream to be a contractor, truck driver, landscaper, real estate agent, commercial cleaning company, electrician, DJ, sing/song writer, hotel management, D and A counselor, producer, house flipper, etc. it may hurt, be scary, lonely on mental, physical, emotional and financial level but you are paying all of that now anyway. You WILL be happy on the other side. That’s me peeking over the top of the fence telling you to climb up!! You Got This.