What you described sounds just like me. Exept we are married with 2 kids. Kids are safe. But getting increasingly aware of me breaking down and crying too much lately. I do realize I canNot change him now. Because de does not see any need for change. For him, everything is fine if I do not cry. If ( when) I do cry he sees it as nothing to do with him and a sign of me being crazy. So yes, I realize change is not possible. Can I go? No, because if I do, I will not see kids again ( I’m not American ). So in reality I face another question: how to stay for kids but not loose my mind from pain at the same time?