Don’t listen to this person. He/she doesn’t know what’s really going on and, like you said, is projecting. Remember that there’s always going to be someone in these forums that opposes your statements – ignore and keep on moving.
I have no advice (lots of great advice below though) but just know there are so many of us out there going through exactly what you are. One poster below mentioned she had an alcoholic father. I had a similar situation and when you grow up like that, you often marry a person you want to fix. It sucks. But for now, I’m just doing the best I can. Once my children are older, we’ll see… Also, my husband doesn’t do well with 1:1 counseling. He’s better when we do couples counseling (when he wants to go which is almost never) because he can’t lie or hide the truth. It’s helpful when we actually go.