It’s tough to talk ADHD and behavior with a parent who hasn’t lived it first-hand. They just don’t get it. Hell, I didn’t get it until my child was diagnosed and I spent a ton of time working to understand him and his experience.
I get that a child with ADHD can overwhelm an adult. My own child overwhelmed me when he was little and super hyper. Sometimes his persistence and rigid thinking wears me ragged now, and he’s a teen now. If your child is super hyper or has risky behaviors it can easily cause stress to someone who is naturally protective and/or anxious.
I think taking it as communicating how sensitive or anxious she is and leaving it at that is good for this first time. She may have reflected and realized that you may have taken her statement personally and will be more mindful of what she says to you going forward. If it continues to come up and feels like judgement, then you may have to rethink this friendship — maybe it will be causing you too much stress.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism