Home › Welcome to the ADDitude Forums › For Women & Girls › Does anyone ever feel like they are just faking being a mother? › Reply To: Does anyone ever feel like they are just faking being a mother?
I have never related to a topic so thoroughly. I just had to respond to this thread. My kids are grown now but when they were little, I thought I was the biggest faker mom that ever lived. I was in my early 30s when I had two kids, only 19 months apart. It wasn’t until I was 35 that I was diagnosed with ADHD, so I had an explanation for my failures but still no cure. Luckily I was able to stay home with them for their early years, but that doesn’t mean I had it all together. I would show up to ‘mom and kid’ events without any snacks for the kids. While other moms were pulling out their perfectly portioned tupperware containers full of goldfish and celery sticks, I was sitting there empty handed watching my kids gobble up other moms’s food. There were times I didn’t even bring coats for my kids and had to endure the strange looks and questions from other moms. My house is always a mess (to this day). I do eventually clean it but it goes right back to being a mess pretty quickly. I have never been able to hold things together. Yes, I have been medicated off and on for 25 years now, but I still struggle with massive disorganization. Medication is not a cure, it just makes things a little more focused for awhile. Once or twice a year I have people over and that’s the only time my house gets thoroughly cleaned. I feel that this disorder is a major disability. I was never able to work full time because I give my all to things and can’t do anything else, so working part time allowed me to focus somewhat on raising kids. There were times my kids brought up my ADHD and why couldn’t I be a better parent like their friends had? That really hurt.
I think there are these iron clad cultural expectations that mothers are the perfect managers and home keepers, and I also believe there is more leeway for men to mess up in this regard, and get away with it. If you’re a woman your house is supposed to be perfect. I always felt SO very inadequate in that regard. I still do. Thank goodness my 2nd husband is very understanding and does not berate me at all. He sees me go through my major breakdowns when I lose yet another important item, for the upteempth time. I lose things every day. Not just keys and my phone but other things I need. It never ends. I try so hard to be organized.
I am not and will never be.