Reply To: My partner wont accept my ADHD

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AlyMarina
Participant

I’m so happy you posted this. I went through this feeling for a good year, and then I realized that I wasn’t putting myself in my boyfriends’ shoes. He fell in love with someone who was confident and didn’t pour problems onto him all the time. We got into arguments about me leaving the sponge in the sink, plastic bags filled with god knows what everywhere, not folding my laundry and leaving it beside the bed for weeks, losing my phone multiple times in the span of an hour. This was not the person he fell in love with. When life got harder, more responsibilities, I changed. I became overwhelmed and I hid it. I said that I would learn more about managing my symptoms instead of allowing them to control me. Nothing worked. I spent 5 hours with the goal of creating a bullet journal only to research cool pens I and templates I could use as inspiration. I sat him down and I told him I loved him. But I told him I needed him..I was falling apart and felt so ashamed that I couldn’t find a clean outfit without getting angry, or that I can’t remember the tv show we watched together and laughed at, and I told him I was sorry cuz he never signed up for this. But I don’t deserve to feel this way and he was the only one I cared to share this with..I needed structure. He suggested that when we come home each of us does one thing to better the house before we decide to do something else. Take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, wipe the counter. Small things. And we acknowledge eachother after we do it. It was great. It’s a step: it helped him understand. I share with him my articles sometimes, but only sometimes and I never blame something I forgot in my adhd. I say “I’m sorry I’ll do my best to remember that, but can you say something like “hey hun, I notice that crusty milk glass has been sitting by your bedside for a while, you making a science experiment or would you like to put it away” rather than “I didn’t tell you a few days ago come ya I thought it’s common sense but clearly not, you make my life a pig stye”. Always be nice to eachother even if you don’t want to.