Reply To: I’m about to leave.

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#134666
h22k22-female
Participant

Hi, I know you are right.
It makes a lot of sense.
I just feel so alone.
Nothing I do makes a difference, I can’t influence, persuade or encourage him in any way.
For example- he had this huge dog when our son was born. He never once cleared the dog mess. It would build up for weeks and stink, I’d beg him to clean up and he got so angry and withdrew from me. I felt like a nagging old hag so I stopped and ignored it. Life was easier but the situation worsened. We got infested with rats.
They came into the house, I’d sit by my sons cot in the nights scared to leave incase they came into his room. I could hear them in the roof space.
His dog died a year later and the rats left after that.
There are many stories like this.
We don’t have any friends anymore and we live in the same house but don’t interact.
Life is quiet and easy if I can hold myself together but the days I need a friend or companionship- they are the toughest.
What yoU suggested about building a good life for myself is what i do. I take my son out to dinner, we go to the park and try to walk a mile every day. We go shopping. We go on road trips and days out. I spend every last penny doing things with him.
I can live like this, I’m sure many people do. From the outside you’d never know. Other than you never get invited over.
My Son says to me, how come Dad doesn’t speak to us Mum? Then he says are you going to shout at him to talk again tonight?
I’m looking like the bad guy because I’m verbal and frustrated and loud.
He wouldn’t notice if I had an affair, probably be his way out.

I wonder sometimes, why doesn’t he leave? I know he hates me. Our son is his ball and chain and so is this house.