Please don’t have an affair. You’re in pain and exhausted and it might feel like any change would be a good change, but you will end up hurting your inner self. You will lose the dignity and become bitter over this harsh, at times cynical world. You are a obviously a good person and have been so giving with your husband, but be kind to yourself too. We all say communication or couples’ therapy could help, but not everyone has the means or time for that. And communication related problems cannot be solved with verbal communication. That’s why those problems exist in the first place. It’s like catch 22. Just leave your husband some space and try doing your own things for a while. I know you feel tired, but if you haven’t left him so far, means you believe deep inside there is still hope and want to make it work. You have 2 options: either leave and start a new life or keep being patient and try to understand why he’s close up. That is a lot of work and will take many trials and errors to find what will make him like he can be a better more reliable partner. I struggle a lot with insecurities and anxiety and feeling that despite my efforts to be a good person people just don’t see it and is never enough. And that makes me feel even more upset and closed up with the world around me. But I’m lucky to be married to a good man who is not afraid to be honest with me when I’m wrong and just help me understand it’s on me to do the work and take responsibility for my own happiness. If you want to keep your marriage, you could try doing that too. Don’t expect him to answer back. Just open up to him and tell him how you feel. Tell him you both are not alone in this and you love him but need his help to make this work. Open up to him and give small encouragement every day. Make a rule to only give one negative feedback over every five positive ones every day and he will grow to be confident again and love himself and everyone around him more. Also do something nice for yourself every day and remind yourself you are one of a kind for being such a strong, generous person.
Hope whatever you decide to do will make your inner self proud and happy.
Ps. I’m typing from my phone and the interface is not very friendly so sorry for the typos.