Please reach out to someone to talk about your suicidal thoughts and to get help. Here is a list of international hotlines: https://www.iasp.info/resources/Crisis_Centres/.
It can be stressful to feel judged and it definitely makes things more difficult. You know that you’re doing the best you can and you have to lean on that.
ADDitude Community Moderator, Parenting ADHD Trainer & Author, Mom to teen w/ ADHD, LDs, and autism