Is your family assertive or aggressive? Assertive people state their feelings and Leave room to negotiate . Just stating your beliefs leaves no room to negotiate!
The same goes for your wife, talk to her about the difficulties she has with your family and what she is willing to negotiate for.
Unfortunately that leaves you in the middle but it is your family. Just try to be aware of your own feelings in all this and try keep them( your feelings) under control. ( tough for us add,res to do) keep calm and know they all love you!
God loves you, why ask for a second opinion! Bob