I’m not sure that i can offer much, but I saw your post and didn’t want you to feel alone. And I know that Judiro has given you some great advice, with a lot of experience behind it.
I’m so sorry for the position that you are in. I’m wondering, since you have trouble expressing yourself verbally, as you have said above, perhaps you could write to your wife? You have done a remarkable job of explaining yourself here, and your feelings are clear and real and honest. Your wife could perhaps read your letters or journal in her own time, when she is comfortable, and it would be less confronting than a direct conversation, with all the tangents that emotions create. It may even be something that you can share with your children. It must be a very difficult time for all of you and I am so sorry that you are all in pain.
I hope this helps.