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Sounds like u r really struggling. For your admin, buy an in tray, with 3 sections, 1 to deal with today 1 in the next week and the other for things that don’t need immediate attention. Then it’s all in one place and u can’t lose it as that’s always what happened to me and it’s in view then if u place it somewhere prominent.
Next, food shopping . Make a menu, I do this every week and it allows me to be organised on what I am cooking every day.
Prepare stuff in advance, use the weekend to make and freeze food for the week, both for u and the kids. And use a slow cooker also as u can have dinner ready when u come home.
Organising yourself will get easier as the kids get older. With the cleaning, I had to restrict myself firmly to one room at a time or u and up exhausted from flitting between rooms and it never looking like you have cleaned. I still do the same now and my kids are a bit older. Cleaning can be overwhelming particularly when the house is chaos, so start small with one room at a time. And don’t forget to reward yourself when u have achieved something.
With laundry, buy a brightly coloured container and leave it in front of the machine while the laundry is in there and if the box is there in plain sight, it will serve as a reminder the machine is full as I hear u on this one.
Most importantly, u r beating yrself up for the things u r NOT doing, and u have made that list really long. Try to concentrate first on what u ARE getting done and turn that negative spiral around. I am assuming yr kids are school age, and if so, u r getting them up, fed and to school or pre-school every day. That’s a damn good start. Cut yrself some slack lovely. It’s very hard when the kids r young as they need u so much and if u r spending time with them and they r fed and clothed and happy, then u r doing a great job love and don’t be so hard on yrself. Just make a few small changes and the rest will come. Hope this helps lovely. Xxx